crying at campfires

 pictures from my trip to Greece in 2012

The year ends, and summer comes along. Long days, no school, and... summer camp.

I am the worst at summer camp.

Do you know why? I always cry at the last campfire.

So naturally what I do is find the other people who are crying and try to cheer them up to distract myself. I was hugging this 11 year old girl, when out of nowhere she said;

"Why do they sing that awful songs?"
 The song in question was I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane. 


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I said to her that I suppose that they sing those songs as a chance to let us get rid of our sadness. It makes me happy in a weird sort of way to think that you can go to this campfire and know that you won't be judged if you cry, because everyone else is sad as well.

I guess that's what makes camp so hard to leave, too. Because these are people who get to know you without living your life with you, if that makes sense.

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But then it isn't just camp. It's so sad to come home from any other place.

It's sad to realize that there are things you've already decided on and that you already have set up your life to some extent.

And now, freshly arrived from Hoofbeat, and looking through pictures of last year's trip to Greece, and all I can think is how, while people compare sunsets to coming home, they remind me a lot more of leaving.



-n

That Time That My Life Fell Apart

So, here I am.

This is me. I'm slumped over; half sitting and half lying down, my back curled against the pillow. I guess that I could try to paint this out poetically or something. But it isn't. oh my god, you say. WOW! Isn't that awful! You're fourteen and haven't done anything with your life yet! Actually, yeah. I think that at this point I'm quite capable of doing something with my life. SO WHY AREN'T I?

I want to wake up and jump out of bed. I want to call up some friends and have them come over and finally shoot that youtube project that I've been planning for months. I want to organize a nerdfighter gathering for my area. I want to go discover a new medium- I feel that Sunlit was my go at blogging and it's over now. I want to finish writing Agoraphobia. Basically, I want a whole lot.

What really and completely infuriates me about myself (and people in general) is our weird habit of chopping up our life; as in-

"I'm going to riding camp in two days! I can't possibly start doing anything NOW!"

"I'm fourteen. I won't finish my novel, because it sucks. And even if it doesn't suck, NO ONE is going to take it seriously. Because I'm fourteen."

AND IT IS REAL AND TRUE BS.

Because I want to finish my novel but I ALREADY KNOW THAT I WON'T. Because in my eyes as well as everyone else's, it's just the typical shitty work of a fourteen year old who fancies herself an author.

Also, we all want recognition. And we're jealous of others who GET recognition. Typical day in the life of Nina:

"Oh, this Sabrina girl sounds cool! I'd love to be friends with her!  What do you mean JOHN GREEN PROMO-ED HER? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE WHOLE NERDFIGHTER COMMUNITY THINKS THAT SHE UNDERSTANDS THE WORLD UNUSUALLY WELL FOR A FIFTEEN-YEAR OLD??? I UNDERSTAND THE WORLD FAR BETTER THAN SHE DOES."

#truestorybro

And I wish that the world didn't tell me to wait. 'Cause I've wasted the entire summer, scared of creating anything. Scared because nobody is going to care. And people dismiss this, because they think that I'm going to get a chance later in life, even though I know that later in life I'll regret my waste of child/teenagerhood.

I wish that we could give people a chance. I wish that people could read this and acknowledge that teenagers are people too. And that Sabrina isn't the smartest one, or anything. She's awesome and brave, but most of all, she GOT A CHANCE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

This doesn't mean that we can't still be friends, though? Pleaasseee be friends with me, Sabrina? Please?

DFTBA,
-Nina

things that make me happy