That Time That My Life Fell Apart

So, here I am.

This is me. I'm slumped over; half sitting and half lying down, my back curled against the pillow. I guess that I could try to paint this out poetically or something. But it isn't. oh my god, you say. WOW! Isn't that awful! You're fourteen and haven't done anything with your life yet! Actually, yeah. I think that at this point I'm quite capable of doing something with my life. SO WHY AREN'T I?

I want to wake up and jump out of bed. I want to call up some friends and have them come over and finally shoot that youtube project that I've been planning for months. I want to organize a nerdfighter gathering for my area. I want to go discover a new medium- I feel that Sunlit was my go at blogging and it's over now. I want to finish writing Agoraphobia. Basically, I want a whole lot.

What really and completely infuriates me about myself (and people in general) is our weird habit of chopping up our life; as in-

"I'm going to riding camp in two days! I can't possibly start doing anything NOW!"

"I'm fourteen. I won't finish my novel, because it sucks. And even if it doesn't suck, NO ONE is going to take it seriously. Because I'm fourteen."

AND IT IS REAL AND TRUE BS.

Because I want to finish my novel but I ALREADY KNOW THAT I WON'T. Because in my eyes as well as everyone else's, it's just the typical shitty work of a fourteen year old who fancies herself an author.

Also, we all want recognition. And we're jealous of others who GET recognition. Typical day in the life of Nina:

"Oh, this Sabrina girl sounds cool! I'd love to be friends with her!  What do you mean JOHN GREEN PROMO-ED HER? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE WHOLE NERDFIGHTER COMMUNITY THINKS THAT SHE UNDERSTANDS THE WORLD UNUSUALLY WELL FOR A FIFTEEN-YEAR OLD??? I UNDERSTAND THE WORLD FAR BETTER THAN SHE DOES."

#truestorybro

And I wish that the world didn't tell me to wait. 'Cause I've wasted the entire summer, scared of creating anything. Scared because nobody is going to care. And people dismiss this, because they think that I'm going to get a chance later in life, even though I know that later in life I'll regret my waste of child/teenagerhood.

I wish that we could give people a chance. I wish that people could read this and acknowledge that teenagers are people too. And that Sabrina isn't the smartest one, or anything. She's awesome and brave, but most of all, she GOT A CHANCE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

This doesn't mean that we can't still be friends, though? Pleaasseee be friends with me, Sabrina? Please?

DFTBA,
-Nina